Police work 101: dinnertime edition

Decoding dinner conversation with the wife. "We have been married for 33 years and—"

With over 35 years service I have the habit while listening to people talk to quickly size things up and analyze what is being said, why it’s being said, and what’s the person getting at before they even finish their statement. A word or gesture can give you a good clue. Police work 101.   Unfortunately this habit surfaces when the wife is talking at me. Couple of weeks ago, while out for dinner the large shrimp cocktail arrives with two plates. I ask Bev if she would like to have some of the shrimp. What I get as a response is “we have been married for 33 years and—”

Freeze frame here. I go into police mode. I’m analyzing this and number one, this is not our anniversary. I’m pretty sure it’s in the summer.

But anytime a wife starts off with “we have been married for 33 years now” it’s not good. First, if she says it’s 33 years there’s no need for me to back up and do the math. Married to me, she probably has it down to the months, weeks and hours. I quickly analyze our relationship and conclude, we’re good, no worries. Then I analyze short term recollection  and play back the small chit-chat. Absolutely nothing I did or said since we sat down has me worried.  After doing the analysis here I conclude, “I have absolutely no  idea where this is going and I am going to stand my ground that I am innocent of any wrongdoing.”

I now hear her complete her sentence with “in those 33 years have you ever seen me eat or like shrimp?”

Time to go into my husband mantra of “you’re right, I’m wrong.” But how many of you guys out there married for 33 years can say you’re  still learning new things about your spouse?

Marko Shehovac is Staff Sgt. for the Columbia Valley RCMP